Tag: Inspiration

“I’m shaking the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I’m gonna see the world!”

Sara Mazariegos

I finished writing my novel’s second draft on Monday! 🎉 It was much easier to write this time, largely because I retooled my outline and gave myself enough time to really think it through before writing it all out. We watched It’s A Wonderful Life again on the 14th, and it inspired my final push to the end. My novel is very different, but it’s influenced by that movie, sort of like how Planes, Trains, and All The Feels by Livy Hart is clearly inspired by Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. It gave me the initial “Hey! I want to do that!” inspiration.

I can’t remember if I’ve shared this story here, but my parents have watched It’s A Wonderful Life every Christmas Eve my entire life. It’s as much a Christmas tradition for me as putting up a decorated tree or opening presents. I still watch it every holiday season, though not on Christmas Eve since that’s become the evening we spend with Luis’s family.

When I was around seven years old, I noticed I couldn’t hear in my right ear. I remember being on the phone with my grandpa and I couldn’t hear him if I switched which ear the phone was up against. I remember thinking, “Huh, that’s weird. I wonder if everyone’s ears are like that.” (I was young.)

I voiced my concern a few years later, because my friends were playing Telephone at a party — another telephone! — and I couldn’t hear the messages being whispered into my right ear. In moments of panic, I just made things up and passed those messages along instead. My friends kept being like, “Where did the message get messed up??” and looking at me. Now, I was a strange and silly child, but in this instance I wasn’t trying to deviate! I was embarrassed about not being able to hear. Looking back, I know I could’ve just turned my head and insisted on using the ear that hears, but at the time it felt like it would break the rules…

When I told my family, they thought I was pretending to be George Bailey because I’d seen that movie every year and I had a penchant for pretending to be my favorite characters.

Now, that’s one thing, but when I was in school, for the hearing test they used to give us with the headphones and the hand raising if you hear the tone on one side or the other, I used to wait until there was a pause and the tester was looking at me expectantly, and then I’d dutifully raise my right hand. “Oh yeah, I definitely heard that…” [Not.]

It wasn’t until I was fifteen that I finally stopped faking and honestly took that test. My parents were told I should go see an ear, nose, and throat doctor. I did more hearing tests. My right cochlea doesn’t work. Records were checked. Apparently, I’ve been deaf in that ear since I was two years old, after a bad fever and ear infection.

So I love George Bailey because I identify with him. Sure, I didn’t save anyone from a frozen lake, but I have the same hearing loss! One thing I noticed this year is that George situates himself at the table with his father on his bad side. I’d never do that! I always make sure the people I’m most trying to hear are on my “good side.” That’s to say nothing of the balance issues he probably should display, etc.

Maybe that’s why he trips at the dance.

Anyway, I finished my writing draft. This is the nifty chart. I’m going to take a break from it for at least two weeks. How handy that the holidays are at the same time. 😄


I hope you have happy holidays and a happy, joyous New Year! Try not to stress too much about the future. That’s probably my resolution.


P.S. The “George Bailey” character in my novel doesn’t have hearing loss. That would be too similar to the original. I gave him something else of mine: he has car anxiety.

“Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for.”

Sara Mazariegos

When I was in seventh grade, at the start of middle school, I decided I wanted a nickname. The trouble was that I didn’t really have a nickname, so I tried to test one out by only telling one of my classes — Intro to Foreign Languages — to call me Shelly. I didn’t count on one of my classmates in that class being in one of my other classes… She approached me and said something like, “You told us to call you Shelly in one class, but you don’t go by that name in this class.”

So, Shelly never really caught on.

It’s funny how I don’t remember the girl’s name. I remember her as Spoilsport. 😝

Growing up, I always wanted a nickname. My name is so short that I don’t really need one. I invented all my own nicknames. Other ones are Sar Bear, Sar Bear Extraordinaire, SBE (all the same, and all used by a specific friend group but 100% invented by me.) I also got one friend to call me Pizza for like a year. And Luis just reminded me about the time when I was twelve and told a friend’s visiting friend (from England!) that my nickname was Gadget. I was big into Chip & Dale: Rescue Rangers at the time. This friend’s friend went along with it because he’d just met me and had no reason to question me. My friend called me out on it right away. Curses! I still think it would be so awesome to be called Gadget.

But Sara, stop trying to make “Gadget” a thing. It’s not a thing.

Speaking of nostalgia, I finally started clearing out my emails in my main inbox. I had nearly a million (I know!) so it’s, uh, past time for this. I went all the way back to my oldest emails in 2009 and I’ve been working my way through, only keeping emails I want to keep for sentimental purposes. I’ll probably eventually still delete many of the literary roleplaying game ones, but for now, they can stay.

I found the Facebook notification from when Luis added me, back in January 2012. 🥲 And his messages on a dating site (after we met in person, at a Nerdfighter gathering!) Those will all definitely be kept in my virtual shoebox.

I don’t know why I’ve been so nostalgic lately. It might have something to do with the fact that the future is looking more scary…

Anyway, in writing news, I got to 74,000 words yesterday. It’s going so well, it’s almost boring to blog about, haha! Everything’s falling into place, unlike last time I attempted writing this novel. I’ve deviated slightly from my outline, but only because other ideas came to me that move the story forward in a better way. I’m looking forward to being done (tentatively on Monday!) And then I can read the thing, after a Christmas/New Years break.

Do you hang onto anything because of nostalgia? At least emails don’t take up space in my house, though I only have so much space in my inbox.

Nostalgically yours,

“Say, brainless, don’t you know where coconuts come from?”

Sara Mazariegos

Welp.

There’s not much to say. The election yesterday has shown that there are too many misguided, uncaring people in America. I’m doing my best to keep taking deep breaths and focusing on my own life, the things I can control. And yes, I will vote again in two years. We have to keep going. We have to keep fighting.

My illness last week turned into laryngitis this week, so on top of everything else, I haven’t been able to talk much for the past few days. I finally got a bit of my voice back last night, but it’s raspy. I’m pretending I sound like Maya Hawke (Anxiety) so I feel better about it. Her voice is cute; my voice isn’t supposed to sound like that.

I’m resting my voice as much as possible. I put up a sign at work to let my coworkers know I can’t speak right now. So far, everyone’s been nice about it. I’m glad I don’t have a job that requires talking. I’d have difficulty with a job like that anyway, though.

Luis and I are watching this silly reality show called Claim to Fame — it features celebrities’ family members in a house and everyone’s objective is to guess who everyone else is related to. The hosts are Kevin Jonas (from The Jonas Brothers) and Franklin Jonas (a Jonas Brother.) Like all reality shows, it’s cheesy, but the mystery-solving aspect is fun.

I’m now convinced reality shows are as popular as they are because they’re comfort television. They don’t involve as much emotional attachment as scripted shows do. I’m not attached to any of these celebrity relatives*. That’d be kind of embarrassing.

As far as the writing’s going… It’s going pretty well so far. Speaking of comfort, my It’s A Wonderful Life story is comforting to me. It’s uplifting and warm and fuzzy, much like the film. That’s my goal, at least. So far, I think I’m tackling this draft better than the last one. It’s funny because no one else read my first draft, but I knew it needed retooling. Usually, I’d at least let Luis read it, but I didn’t want to waste his time when I knew it was going to be overhauled. I’m proud of myself for having the sense to just say, “You know what, this needs to be redone entirely. I’m going to take a break and try again.”

Last November was not a good time to try to write it, but this November might give me way more motivation. It’s certainly looking that way.

Ha. Heh. Haaaa. 😞


* Except for Pepper. She’s my favorite and I hope she wins, but she probably won’t.

Bark at the moon.

Sara Mazariegos

Am I the only one surprised that Halloween hasn’t happened yet?

It’s not that I’m in a rush. I’m excited about our party this weekend, and I’ve even considered wearing my costume to work this year (a slightly toned-down version to not be distracting.) But October has been dragging its feet. I say that as someone who’s had a hectic month.

We watched the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductions last weekend, with a break to see Saturday Night. It was great to see Peter Frampton finally get honored. He and Ozzy Osbourne could commiserate about their muscular ailments; it’s sad to see inclusion body myositis and Parkinson’s disease affecting such energetic, youthful rock stars. I know they’re getting up there now, but still! I wish them both well. Combined with the fact one of the other inductees (Phife Dawg from A Tribe Called Quest) died of diabetes complications and another (Jimmy Buffett) died of cancer, I kept thinking “I wish we could find cures for all of these things.”

Saturday Night was delightful. It left me wanting more, which is a good thing. We came home and I just had to watch the very first episode of Saturday Night Live, so I could see the moments referenced in the movie. I’ve been a fan since the early nineties when Dana Carvey and Phil Hartman were on. Some of the movie felt a bit like a play, which works since it’s all about live performance, and some of it felt a bit like parody. Some of the impressions were better than others. For example, I liked the Jim Henson guy as Jim Henson, but his Andy Kaufman was a little off, not least of all because he’s even ganglier than Kaufman. It’s a shame Benny Safdie had to drop out. I bet he would’ve been good.

On the writing front, I’m clawing my way to the finish line with my magical cat transformation romance story. One thing I’ll need to work on with it is tightening that description. 😅 Then, almost immediately after finishing that one, I have my It’s A Wonderful Life-inspired romance to rewrite. That will be nice during the holidays.

I’m going to use the NaNoWriMo method of writing around the same amount each day, although skipping Thanksgiving because I do have a life. Honest. I’m avoiding the actual NaNoWriMo site this year, though. I don’t support what they’re doing lately. Since my novel is longer, the draft will be “finished” in mid-December. And then I can breathe again before the edits! Weee!

Before you ask (why would you ask?) I’m planning to take a mental break from the cat story until sometime next year. It’s messy. I always knew it would be. Don’t all novels start out a bit messy?

Trying to find something between a strict writing schedule and a looser one that still doesn’t let me just, you know, stop writing. It’s dangerous to become too lax.

I like the word “lax.”

Throughout history, every mystery ever solved has turned out to be Not Magic.

Sara Mazariegos

I’ve been feeling the witchy vibes more this year, probably because the novel I’m currently writing involves a witch. We also recently watched The Witches of Eastwick and the first episode of Agatha All Along. I like that you can be creative with witches; they don’t all have to be hag-like or even bad. Obviously, this is proven in The Wizard of Oz, but it’s still nice to be reminded of how varied they can be.

I’ve never seen or read Wicked but I’m hoping to see the movie when it comes out this year. The book lives on my shelf to be eventually read. I love The Wizard of Oz so I feel a little “hmm” about it. I have to go into it with an open mind.

One thing I’m slowly teaching myself (read: forcing myself to learn) is to write even when the words/sentences are coming out very basically. It’s difficult to turn off the critical parts of the brain that think, “This could be worded so much better!” or “This scene could be described much more visually!” But if I allow myself to stall because things aren’t immediately coming to me as well-written novels, then I’ll never actually get the story written. They say the first draft is you telling yourself the story. I’m trying to lean into that more, and just imagine out the plot. I can make it pretty later.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t been surprising myself occasionally with turns of phrase, humorous dialogue, or even imagery that I thought I couldn’t master this first go around. I’ve been sharing the best of these with Luis, so he can enjoy them. It remains to be seen how much will stay in the story. This is a first draft, after all. And, by law, it’s a mess.

I leave you with this beat poem by Tim Minchin that’s been playing in my head at times lately. I had it memorized at one point before I had more important things to remember. 😛

Inner North London, top floor flat, all white walls, white carpet, white cat, rice paper partition, modern art and ambition… (Okay, I still have the beginning memorized)

Until next time, best wishes!

Falling for the first time.

Sara Mazariegos

Reader, I make no secret that I have unilateral hearing loss. When I was about two, I had a too-high fever treated by (according to my mom) a too-high dose of medication administered by a military base doctor. The little hairs in my cochlea were destroyed, so my right ear is purely for symmetry aesthetics.

Aside from not being able to hear on that side (think George Bailey) I also don’t have great balance. This was exemplified on Sunday. I was walking with my husband, a bit distracted by distant firetrucks, when I tripped on the sidewalk and fell. I scraped my left arm pretty well, bleeding near my elbow and scratches all along the side of my hand. I also bruised both knees (no holes in my jeans, though! Explain that!) And I have a mysterious scrape on my right wrist and a tiny one on my right middle finger’s knuckle. For three days, my body was sore, and moving my arms was achy. I’m finally feeling more normal today, except for an annoying persistent ache by my elbow where I took the most damage.

I didn’t break or sprain anything. I didn’t even damage my glasses. Luis said he was worried I’d hurt my “pretty face” and he was impressed that I caught myself so I didn’t hurt myself worse.

I can’t remember falling like that before. I’m sure, since I have bad balance, I have taken falls before but they must’ve been when I was a kid. I remember falling off my bike, but that’s a different situation. I trip often, but this was the first time in recent memory the pavement beat me. Falling felt so strange, too. As it was happening, everything felt like it slowed down and sped up at the same time. When I first tripped, it felt like a normal, run-of-the-mill trip and I’d just catch myself. But then I kept falling and I got scared. I yelped out something like “Noo!” that I remember thinking, even at the time, sounded so silly.

When Luis came to see if I was okay or needed help, I started laughing. I had a choice in that moment, to start crying or to laugh it off. I chose laughter. It was close, though. Pain is painful and falling is scary.

And that is why I didn’t write on Sunday or Monday. I rested my body and allowed myself to recover instead of trying to type through the pain or think of cute things when I was feeling freaked out by the experience. I’m glad I don’t fall often. I’m afraid of that particular part of sidewalk now.

I wrote over two thousand words yesterday, so my story is no worse for wear.

I was thinking yesterday about the unhelpful thoughts I give myself sometimes. It’s like an anti-pep talk. I tell myself “It’s okay, you can stop now. You don’t need to write more.” Even though I want to write more and my writing goal for the day is totally attainable. For example, yesterday I made my goal be to reach 18K words from 16K words. That’s my normal word count goal (on a good day) so it’s no problem. But sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and starts wanting me to slack off. I got to 17K and fought with my mind until I pushed myself to 18K. Because stopping at 17,500 words is not okay on my watch.

I know how to fall and get back up without breaking anything, not even my glasses. Two thousand words can’t keep me down.

You don’t know what you just read.

Sara Mazariegos

Do you ever look back through the calendar and get hit with a wave of “Oh yeah! We did that!”?

My husband and I have a shared Google Calendar for everything from work stuff to personal events and planning. It helps us remember to do things, and it also helps give our days some semblance of structure. Otherwise, it’s so easy to fall into the YouTube hole or end up like the vultures in Disney’s The Jungle Book.


I’ve found lately that I’ll go back through things we’ve done and marvel at how swiftly things are forgotten or no longer appreciated. I try to live in the moment while I’m enjoying things, but it can’t last forever. Eventually, the moment passes and life goes on. Life is busy, and it often grinds you down, so it’s nice to have this little reminder of the places we’ve been and the things we’ve done. For example, we went to Disney World this year. That’s wild, man.

My college friend posted on Facebook yesterday, and it sent me on a similar wave of nostalgia. I don’t associate my time in college with too many good memories. (I spent a lot of it alone in my room watching things or playing online, because socializing isn’t fun for me.) But the friends I did spend time with are special to me. I had good times with them. It was nice to remember. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like the me from back then was the same me that’s me.

I’ve read a few novels recently that involve people remembering their friends from years ago. It might be fun to explore a plot about that at some point. I’m always thinking up the next idea.

My current story writing is going well. It’s been slower than usual, but I think it’s okay because it’s the first draft. I’ve spent a lot of my writing processes trying to cram a whole novel into about a month and a half, a la NaNoWriMo. But this story has said no and is making me take my time to let it breathe. I’ve hit a point now where the words are flowing more easily, though, which is good for my deadline-centric brain.

I hope to be finished with it before November, so I can give my NaNoWriMo novel revision the attention it deserves.

This weekend, we’re going to the National Book Festival, and then we’ll finally see Tim Minchin. I hope I come away with a lot of inspiration, but no more new books! 😆

I needed to possess you – I hated you – I loved you, too.

Sara Mazariegos

A lot of my blog post titles are Kate Bush lyrics. I always end up listening to her when I’m writing these entries.

Wuthering Heights as a novel didn’t do much for me, mainly because it’s a story told from a random perspective. And then there’s the character I can’t understand at all. But somehow, the story still stays with me. The spooky ghost stuff always gets me in the end.

It feels like a lot has happened, but it’s mostly just a lot of hopeful ideas and planning that’s been going on. I thought of another novel idea, so I’ve been working on it as a sort of “summer fling” before NaNoWriMo in November. I thought of the idea when I was half awake on Saturday. If Paul McCartney has taught me anything, great ideas can strike when one is semi-conscious*!

It’s a romance novel inspired by my cat.

Bookwise, I’ve finished reading the book about Sophie Scholl (with much sadness for her and her brother and compatriots.) I’ll work on plotting out the novel based loosely on her at some point in the future. I’ve hit my limit with story ideas now. I can only think about so much. 😅

I’ve started reading The Good Part by Sophie Cousens and it’s been a warm reminder that I adore Sophie Cousens novels. It’s also nearly made me burst into tears a few times. It’s delightful. A lot of toddler grossness, but in a cute way? It might be my favorite of her books (so far.)

Tomorrow is Luis’s birthday. I’m taking the day off and taking him out to a fancy seafood dinner. He’s been working so hard with a big transition at his job, so I hope to help him have a great weekend.

I hope you have a great weekend too.


*He claims to have written both “Yesterday” and “Yellow Submarine” while in this dreamlike state.

It’s just the power to charm.

Sara Mazariegos

First of all, hello to all of my new followers! I didn’t expect my last post to get so much kind attention. I’m happy to have you with me. 😊

I recently bought a copy of Natalie Sue’s I Hope This Finds You Well, and I’ve been enjoying it so much that I almost don’t want to read too much of it at once. Because then it will be over. Does that happen to you when you read? I want to prolong it.

My local library also gave me two books, so I’m suddenly swimming in a wonderful mini pile of new-to-me novels. One is The White Rose, a poetic young adult novel about Sophie Scholl and her brother Hans. I’m reading it as research for my latest story idea. When I used to work at the US Holocaust Museum, I remember often stopping by the wall that told their story. It gave me pause that such young people dared to take a stand, even though it certainly meant death.

The other novel I got from the library is The Dead Romantics. It’s a romance novel (not surprising, right?) involving a ghost, so it appeals to a few of my interests.

When not reading other people’s novels, I’ve been reading my own as I begin revising. My new benchmark will be to submit it to The Shit No One Tells You About Writing again. I feel much more confident now that I’ve revised and rewritten it about three times. 😅 It’s very different from the story it used to be.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just read and write all day?

“Hi! I’m Anxiety! Where can I put my stuff?”

Sara Mazariegos

Last week, Luis and I went to see Argentina vs. Guatemala (soccer.) His family came, too, and it was amusing because, though he’s from Guatemala, we cheered for Argentina. His family seemed a little confused/annoyed. 😆 We’re fans of Lionel Messi and his teams, so we weren’t going to suddenly cheer against him! Guatemala did a good job against the World Cup champs, though. They threw them off and scored a goal early on. So they should be proud. Guatemala still lost, of course, but they made it harder to beat them.

When we walked back to the Metro afterward, it started pouring heavy, cold rain. And then the Metro stopped two stops away from our house, so we had to take a Lyft the rest of the way home. What an adventure!

We saw Inside Out 2 on Saturday. I love Anxiety! That sounds so strange, but I feel like PIXAR did a good job of personifying anxiety. It’s not an easy thing to do. It’s often not even easy for me to explain how it makes me feel. I once likened it to a building collapsing around me.

Anyway, in Writing Update news: I’ve crossed over into the 80% zone! The end is in sight! It’s amusing because I plan to use the end I’ve already written, so that’s a bit of a cheat. But still! I’ve gotten back into the palindrome word counts because I can’t help myself. My word goal for today is 69,696 words.

Nice.

There’s been a lot of discussion in the WriterThreads community regarding people (usually authors) purporting to have “the secret” to getting published and offering up expensive “boot camps” to teach people the tricks of the writing trade. I’ve noticed quite a few of these cropping up, especially when I’m Googling for quick tips. They’re also often accompanied by twenty-minute-long videos that can further waste your time and get you too in your head about The Process. As the authors on Threads point out, you should never feel obligated to pay anything to find your agent and get published.

Just write. That’s all you have to do. Write the story. Then edit it. That’s it. Read query letter examples, listen to the TSNOTYAW podcast, and put yourself out there. Anyone trying to get money from you is not really trying to help you.

…Okay, agents will take a cut when you’ve landed a book deal, but that’s different.

I’ve definitely fallen victim to getting in my head about the best way to structure my writing and the beats I HAVE TO HAVE, etc. and, at the end of the day, it isn’t helpful to get so worked up about it. There’s no reason for writing to be scary. If you love writing, you should do it because you love it and you need to do it. There are no real rules. What works out for one person may not work for another.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on that. Don’t stress yourself.